


The Amazingly Awful Campaign of James Flint and Eleanor Guthrie

by CaptainRivaini



Category: Black Sails
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, F/F, Gen, M/M, Modern Era, NSFW, i know 0 about american presidency but i try my best, its so stupid, its stupid, nobody expects the british inquisition, read it bc its stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 18:16:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7117177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainRivaini/pseuds/CaptainRivaini
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James and Eleanor compete to be new president of the United States of America. Apart from there's a few problems:</p>
<p>They aren't American. </p>
<p>They are petty.</p>
<p>They are idiots. </p>
<p>The only reason they aren't dead is John Silver and Max.</p>
<p>Not exactly in that order, but you get the idea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Amazingly Awful Campaign of James Flint and Eleanor Guthrie

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [Quirky_Lesbian_Pirate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quirky_Lesbian_Pirate/pseuds/Quirky_Lesbian_Pirate) in the [pirate_prompts_2016](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/pirate_prompts_2016) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> *slams hand down on table* Give me Eleanor, and Flint, running against each other for president. (Come on this would be hilarious)
> 
> **i am british. i take the mick out of everything, including the british. i'm still vaguely sorry.**

Eleanor could forgive many things. Her secretary forgetting she was lactose intolerant was a thing that sent her into a rage sure, but she could forgive quite easily. Mistakes after all happened, it was the way of life, and thus why Piers Morgan was born. She could easily forgive Max of course, her campaign manager and girlfriend, for making the mistake of handing her the phone without saying who it was and then it turning out to be her father. They were things that many would not forgive and yet she did.

What she couldn’t forgive however was the latest scheme that her rival, James Flint, had deployed in order to further his campaign and significantly weaken hers.

“What in god’s fucking name…” Eleanor spat, gesturing with her hand towards the laptop Max had rushed in to give her, “is this?”

Max peered over her shoulder. “I think,” she said, trying to keep her face as straight as possible, “it’s a photo of you pulling a face with the words ‘that feeling when you’re a tasteless idiot who copies other people’s campaigns for the lols’ printed across the page.” She moved back from where she was over Eleanor’s shoulder, smiling softly. “I think Mr Flint is annoyed with you at your speech at the LGBT rally in Arizona – the one he was supposed to be speaking at before his…unfortunate lack of a driver. Of all drivers in that area, actually.”

Eleanor smiled. “That was a brilliant idea Max, truly. You’re a marvel.”

“I’m aware,” Max replied with a grin, wrapping her arms around Eleanor’s neck and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “With the way we’re going the polls will look toward us favourably, and with Charles supporting you as best as he can back at home…” She sighed, “We can do this. We can make this country great again. I’m positive. Give people as much peace as we can.”

“I’ll try my best.” Eleanor said and could say with 100% certainty that she meant it. Running a country was hard, especially one as stubborn as America, but Max believed in her and had always believed in her despite the hard times they had been through. Even if she doubted herself she would at least try her hardest to satisfy one person.

Hell, she would even try her best to satisfy Flint when she won. Because she was going to win. And rub it in his soulless face.

James Flint just didn’t know it yet.

 

* * *

 

“THAT HEINOUS-“

“James…”

“She STOLE another of my rallies! Another one! This time about healthcare! FREE HEALTHCARE!”

John Silver sighed and rubbed at his temples. If there was one thing that he couldn’t stand it was when James started yelling. It didn’t often happen so usually when James lost his rag like this he could just, at worst, ignore him or calm him down but with this campaign and the fact he was losing the people so quickly too…

James hadn’t stopped yelling since Eleanor’s involvement in him losing the people. It shouldn’t have even been possible – Eleanor was awful with people face-to-face. She knew how to play them quite well, could speak to them if it was all about business but John had seen her first hand meet to people who thanked her as though she was a personal friend. To say she was awful was an understatement, she just couldn’t function, and couldn’t do anything but stammer and flush and act like a complete fool. Which is why, he supposed, she relied so much on Max to handle the affairs she simply couldn’t.

The worst part was that James was the same. He often left feeling exhausted and whenever he was finished at his rallies he always asked security to remove himself from the crowd immediately to his secured car, which of course led to the media ripping him to pieces whenever they could about how aloof the ‘real’ James Flint was to the public. That had ended up with him gently persuading James (by which John meant by promising to strip tease him at a later date) to have a Skype interview with fans in a safe location in order to interact with them. It was of course a success and the tabloids had responded generously, but it also led to Eleanor taking it for a challenge and instantly doing the same thing.

Thus the meme James had demanded to be made in order to retaliate. John had tried his hardest to get the man to simply let it go but no, James had been doing his own research on how to run the campaign with his focus being on an audience that had surprised John to hear he was paying attention to. The youth, the people who to James knowledge only communicated with Youtube video clips and ‘memes’. To him it seemed like the best plan out, that winning the heart of the younger generation through Eleanor Guthrie pulling a face and calling her out on her slanderous, copy-cat ways would be very easy.

Instead John was left with this: James grumbling and muttering at how Eleanor was the absolute worst and how she would not get away with stealing all transportation from him so he was prevented from attending his rallies.

He took a risk and placed his hand on his lover’s shoulder. James didn’t flinch but he did look up, eyes somewhat more subdued than before at meeting John’s gaze.

“Want my advice?”

“I’d get it anyway even if I didn’t,” James muttered with a roll of his eyes.

“Too true,” John said, taking the chair next to him and drumming his thighs with his fingers. The gesture only made James sigh, already aware that this was John’s way to create suspense. “Now if you really want to fuck Eleanor…”

“Do not give me that image of her.”

“…then you’re going to have to _really_ fuck her.”

James eyes practically bulged out of their sockets. “What?!”

 

* * *

 

“ _Maaaaaaaaaaax!”_

Max cracked open an eyelid and sighed. If there was one downside of living with Eleanor in this fancy house it was the fact that no matter where Max decided to spend her time to nap Eleanor knew the house like the back of her hand, and therefore knew every hiding spot in the place.

She sat up from where she had been taking shelter on one of the sofas in the conservatory to see Eleanor was currently making her way towards her with what looked to be a newspaper article, the paper scrunched tightly in her hands.

“Ma belle…” She started to say only to be rewarded with Eleanor throwing the article on her lap.

It read: GUTHRIE IN THE GUTTER with a picture of a supposed script of a phone call that Max instantly recognized. It had been a conversation between Eleanor and Charles, one Max had only heard the one side of but knew immediately that it had been far less messy and dramatic than the one published.

“That sneaky ginger fuck leaked the conversation I had with Charles a few weeks back!” Eleanor said with a growl, crossing her arms over her chest, her brow furrowed. “I swear to god that prick is going to…”

“The conversation was obviously one of great intimacy between an unknown participant and Ms Guthrie herself as the language used was, to put it frankly, scandalous and shocking when we at the Daily Tribune was given this tape to listen to.” Max read aloud, interrupting Eleanor from her ranting that Max knew from experience would have only got worse if she hadn’t intervened. “The source has been asked to remain anonymous and the link to the audio tape will only be online for a single day as the source has requested. Fortunately the script has been typed out for our loyal readers, and here is the incriminating evidence that Eleanor ‘I give a shit about the gays’ Guthrie is in fact a born liar…”

Despite Eleanor’s protests that Max knew everything what the script had said already Max ignored her and combed through what the article had published with an intensity that made Eleanor fidget, a sure sign that something was not entirely right.

Max pulled a face. “You told Charles that you were straight? I didn’t hear this part at all!”

“It was sarcastic! I said ‘yeah Charles because I’m the straightest straight from Straight Town’ after he said I was as straight as a ruler! But they didn’t include that, they must have cut it!” Eleanor argued, throwing her arms up in the air and sighing. “There’s only one person who could have done this: fucking Gossip Girl himself.”

Max paused and placed the article back down to intertwine her fingers together on her lap. The thought _had_ occurred to her that if there was a person leaking information then Billy Bones could certainly be the individual they were looking for, though it did beg the question how Flint had even managed to get Billy on board in a campaign he had argued many times on his blog he was fully against? Flint’s power over the use of speech was substantial to say the least but even he faltered when it came to Billy, so that only left...

She sighed and lifted a hand to rub at her head. She would figure out what to do about the culprit later, first she had to deal with Eleanor.

“Eleanor you need to make a public appearance to deny this. The LGBTQIA community will be furious to hear this after you announced you were a member.”

“God, they’ll think I’m a…” Eleanor pressed a hand to her breast, “ally…”

“Oui, they will.” Max replied. She tried to keep the amused tone out of her voice as best as she could but from the look of horror that had dawned on her lover’s face she needn’t have bothered – Eleanor was far too lost in her own thoughts to have noticed it.

“But Max,” she said, turning to look at her with a determined glint in her eyes, “I eat you out every day.”

“They do not know that, Eleanor.”

“We could release a sex tape as an answer-“

Max swatted her with the article. “ _No_ Eleanor.”

 

* * *

 

“I’m so relieved you genuinely didn’t mean fuck her,” James sighed in relief, pressing his head onto John’s bare, wet chest. “That would have been absolutely terrifying.”

“Yes well, think about poor me.” John said, running his fingers over James freckled back. “I’d have had to imagine it.”

He had no idea how long him and John had been in the bath but the sensation of the man running his hands up and down his back made it impossible to not feel lethargic. But he wouldn’t complain, not after the victory they had won today when he had checked the polls and saw Eleanor quickly losing favour over the article that had been published. Granted it had been a shitty move but he was determined, more than determined, to win the presidency right from under her nose like he had promised he would years ago when they were in college.

 Sure they had both been drunk at the time but a promise was a promise and besides that, John had dared both of them to follow through. Neither of them backed away from a dare.

So here they were, years later, both of them trying their hardest to win a campaign for a shot of presidency that in the back of his mind James knew would end in disaster.

He had no damn idea how he had even managed to be a candidate in the first place, nor did he understand how Eleanor had managed it either because while she had more contacts in higher places than he did, surely not even Richard would find his daughter’s ideas even remotely worthy of supporting.

James admitted that it wasn’t because Eleanor didn’t have any good ideas (mostly because she stole them off him when he wasn’t stealing ideas off her) but it was because Richard was a piece of shit and didn’t deserve Eleanor at all. Not that he would say that to her face, no matter how close they once were.

“Are you even listening to me?” Just like that John’s voice pulled him away from his thoughts. He looked up to see that his lover held out his phone (a smartphone, one James never knew how to use and so handed it to John most times) for him to read.

What had been on the page was a new update on his Twitter feed (another thing he didn’t understand, too many birds for his liking) about there being a new guest star on Jack Rackham’s newest talk show, Chat with Jack.

“And? So what? I’ll still get most of the air time because of the campaign.”

John sighed. “Read on.”

“In a surprising twist of fate a new guest star has been revealed for Rackham’s newest episode this Saturday night. After her latest backlash from the LGBT community it was a surprise to hear that the democrat campaigner Eleanor Guthrie offer to put things ‘straight’ (ha ha) by coming in for an interview. On the same night as other democrat campaigner James…”

James slammed his hands down against his knees, the effect being that he instantly soaked himself and John in bubble bath that clung to his bald head and beard.

“That conniving…”

“James, try and calm down…” John warned, putting the phone down onto the cabinet at the side of the bath. If there was one thing he didn’t want (apart from James having a tantrum in the first place) it was the little water they had left spilling over the side to soak their clothes. When it looked as though calming down was the last thing on James mind, John added, seriously, “you know your anger is exactly what she would want, right?”

In reply James gave him a withering glare and to John’s surprise, lifted himself up out of the bath and grabbed his phone.

It would have been hilarious any other time to see his boyfriend standing up in the bath, covered in soap suds up to his head, angrily jabbing at the dials of his phone. But as of now John was certain that whatever was to come next would only end in disaster. His certainty coming out of knowing both his lover and the woman who had once been practically stitched to his side.

He watched curiously as James head jerked up all of a sudden, the hand that pressed his phone to his ear now white with his grip.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing by going on Jack’s show and crashing my…” He trailed off and John grinned when he saw the back of James’ neck flush a pinkish colour. “Oh. I’m sorry Max, I didn’t mean…No, could you just, yes I’m sorry, could you pass the phone to Eleanor? Yes, thank you.”

James started up again only moments later. “You need to cancel that interview right now! No I don’t want to calm down! Stop yelling? You’re the one who’s bloody yelling!” He looked over to John who only shrugged, sinking further into the now lukewarm water. “What, you won’t cancel? Fine! Oh, you’ll see me in hell? Well guess what, I’ve been there and your name is on top of the goddamn list! GOOD RIDDANCE!”

And with that James smacked his phone down on the cabinet. He had forgotten to hang up however and John was greeted with the sound of Eleanor yelling obscenities until he reached over and switched it off.

When he looked back he could see that James was just as angry as before. He clambered out of the bath tub, not bothering to wash the suds off his body, and reached for a towel on the hook of the door to dry himself off. His movements were powerful, rushed and crackling with electricity. A sure sign that if he valued his life it was time for John to abort the room, the house maybe until it was safe to return and James could be reasoned with.

“I’m going to kill her.” He heard James muttering under his breath.

“I hope you’re joking.” John was never certain what a joke was when it came to James, especially on the subject of murder when Eleanor Guthrie was the reason behind it. It wasn’t that he liked Eleanor, in fact they had never gotten on even when she and James had been close, but he did have a fondness for Max and he would hate to see her upset.

James snorted and threw the towel to the floor with a grunt. “Of course I’m joking, but I’m serious John when I say this war’s not nearly over. In fact,” ah yes, John should have expected the dramatic turn of James’ head at this point, it was something both he and Eleanor always seemed to do, “it’s only just begun.”

With that he left, slamming the bathroom door closed and forgetting his clothes in the process of yet another theatrical exit that left John fighting to control his smile.

But he had bigger problems now. Problems that he could discuss with only one other person.

 

* * *

 

“Fancy meeting you here…” John murmured with a wink as he perched himself on the chair next to a beautiful young woman that sat at the bar. “It’s like fate.”

The barman sent him a wide-eyed look and cleared his throat. John met that look with an easy smile and a nod of his head.

He knew Ben Gunn very well, his fondness for cheese, his friends, women and doing people the favour of telling them when their flirtation was coming on too strong or the person they were talking to was not at all interested – not that John needed any help on that particular aspect, especially when this woman was concerned.

“You invited me here, John.” Max said with a roll of her eyes, “do you really use those lines on people, or should I say, _did_ you really use those lines on people?”

“Hey it worked on Flint!”

“Hm. I stand corrected.”

“Anyway!” John interrupted, not truly appreciating where the direction of this conversation was going any longer. “Let’s face the facts: James and Eleanor are going to kill one another.”

Max scoffed into her martini. “I am aware of this and have told her a million times that a bet made when you were at college is not a good enough reason to risk so much public humiliation.”

“I thought you said she genuinely wanted to do well for the country, that’s why you were so proud of her?”

“That was before her and James decided to get competitive to the point I can’t go to sleep anymore because Eleanor’s laptop keeps pinging with messages and her light is constantly on the highest setting!” Max snapped, shutting John up from talking any longer with a contemptuous look thrown his way. “What is your reason for wanting it to end? If I remember correctly the last time we were all together you were the one who was encouraging it!”

She had a point. He had been the one to coax them into it but in his defence… “Come on, you know they would have done it anyway without my help. They’ve been competitive with each other since, I’m guessing but I’m almost certain it’s true, _birth_.”

Max let out a laugh and looked at him much like a small girl who had just been told a joke that her mother and father wouldn’t have approved of, but had enjoyed it thoroughly anyway because of the illicitness behind it. That was what this meeting was after all, an illicit meeting between two friends who were stuck on different sides in a war of politics.

And to be frank? It sucked. A lot.

“So I’ve got a plan. A plan to stop them from going any further and give up this presidency once and for all.” John said, wriggling his brows at her with meaningful intent he was pleased to see she understood after a moment. “It involves two things: birth certificates and British memes.”

 

* * *

 

“Could you please not move while I’m trying to do your make up Ms Guthrie?” The make-up girl said, her voice wavering slightly and her cheeks flushed with a blend of frustration and humiliation.

Eleanor tried to do as she was told, she really did, but something (or to be more accurate, _someone_ ) kept making noises beside her. Noises that nobody should have to hear in polite company, noises that sounded more like lions roaring, frogs clearing their throats and rhinos having explosive shits.

She turned to face the source of the sound, her fingers drumming at the arm of her chair and slowly getting louder until her companion sighed and turned to her.

“Can I help you?” James Flint asked with that tone of voice Eleanor knew he only used against two people, John when they had first met and his old boyfriend’s father, Alfred Hamilton. It was known as the ‘you are a dickhead and I will punch you in the face if you even think you are morally superior than me’ voice and Eleanor resented it like nothing she had ever felt before.

Still, she had to be the bigger person. There were witnesses here and she knew without a doubt the scandal that would occur if anything drastic went on would ruin her even before she had the chance to deny anything on Jack’s show.

Eleanor inhaled sharply, sucking in all bad thoughts and feelings quickly until she felt safe to speak. “I was just wondering if you would mind not making those noises while my make-up girl is seeing to me? You’re distracting her.”

To Eleanor’s frustration James merely smiled at the girl. “Am I distracting you Charlotte?”

Charlotte, she supposed that she was the make-up girl who had introduced herself before but Eleanor had been too busy to listen, actually bowed her head with a quick shake of it and then giggled like a young teenage girl that made Eleanor’s stomach lurch violently. It felt as though someone had prod at her insides with a stick, twisting her this way and that until all that was left was something so remarkably jumbled she could hardly begin to concentrate.

All she could think of was how much she hated James and his stupid (apparently charming) smile. He was worse than her usually when it came to people and now here he was, pulling out all the stops to lure people, all to get under her skin.

Well more fool him. She didn’t fear him, not one bit. She had this. “Well you’re distracting me and I’d like it if you did me the favour of being quiet.”

“I’m just clearing my throat, Ms Guthrie.”

Oh he was going to play it like that was he? “Clear your throat somewhere else then, Mr Flint.”

“I’ll clear it wherever I want to, Guthrie.”

Charlotte paused in doing Eleanor’s foundation, the brush twitching to a stop. It had been such a small movement, effortless and hardly worthy of attention but it made Eleanor stiffen in her seat, eyes roving over Charlotte’s face until neither of them could look away, could even dare to.

Eleanor’s gaze remained on Charlotte even as she spoke. “Move your freckled throat and the gunge in it away from my general proximity, Flint.”

“My gunge will move in its own time, not before.”

Only then did Charlotte blink, placing the brush in her hand down and eyeing both of them with uncertainty akin to a trapped gazelle not knowing which way to go in order to run from the two predators that had her pressed into a corner. “I think I’ll just…”

“Maybe you could clear it better if you weren’t too busy filling it with Silver’s cock.”

Charlotte’s gasp filled the room. It sounded louder than it was but still it echoed, shocking Eleanor into silence at her own insult whereas James, not for the first time in his life since John had entered it, found himself speechless.

Eleanor recovered from her shock quickly and settled against her chair with a satisfied smile. James did not return it and only looked down at her through hateful slits that made her feel bubbly, giddy almost, as if she were a child who had successfully coerced the adult they so desired into doing what they wanted. In her case, the quest to shut Flint up had come to an end – the only problem seemed to be that her make-up girl was far too stunned to continue.

She went to speak but before she could bother Flint had finally found his voice (in her opinion, far too soon) to address her. “I believe you’re talking out of jealousy,” he started with a short chortle following his words, “rumour has it, at least in the tabloids that you’ve not exactly been in the giving mood…”

“Don’t you fucking say…” Eleanor interrupted with a growl that James of course paid no attention to, moving swiftly on.

“Maxine, who from the sounds of it has been trying her best to look for someone who is less blonde and more willing to pay attention to her, who actually…”

Eleanor didn’t let him finish. She let out a yell and moved from her chair, grabbing Flint by the scruff of the neck to tug him to her until they were face to face. It only made the anger in his eyes seem more intense than before but it paled in comparison to the silent fury that blazed inside Eleanor’s.

“Take it back before I shave your whole head off you little prick!” Eleanor spat.

James’ eyes practically sparkled with delight. “I dare you. The papers will love to know that I got harassed by another candidate, especially one as notorious and talked about as you, Ms Guthrie.”

Charlotte looked between the two of them and did what any sane person in her position would do…

She legged it.

Eleanor stared down at James. James stared up at her. Neither of them spoke.

And then the light went off on the ceiling, painting them in a red colour to signal that they were being called on stage by the production team.

Time had run out for them and Eleanor could tell by James stiff upper lip that this would not be the last run in they would have before the day was over.

Eleanor said the first thing that came to her: “I hate you and I’m going to win this goddamn presidency.” She unhooked her fingers from James’ collar then and rushed to the exit, throwing a glare at her rival over her shoulder.

“Grow up Eleanor!” James called back to her, voice immediately muffled at the slam of the door.

“Suck my balls you fucking ginger ingrate.”

 

* * *

 

“So Mr Flint and Ms Guthrie…” Jack Rackham started with an uncomfortable looking smile, tugging at his collar and then folding his hands on the desk he sat at.

Eleanor and James frowned at him in response. They had John and Max perched on either side of them, looking respectively more pleased to be there, smiles plastered on their faces that only looked to be somewhat pained in comparison to Eleanor’s and James’.

“When I called for this interview I must say that I didn’t quite expect you two to be joined by such,” again Jack paused and again Eleanor and Flint continued to scowl. Did Jack have to pause at every chance to create dramatic effect? It felt beyond preposterous. “Lovely-looking individuals.”

“Neither did we.” James muttered as he spared John a glance that he returned with an impish smile and wink.

“Always happy to liven the place up.” John drummed his fingers over his knees once again, leaning back on the sofa and throwing an arm over Max and pulled her into a one-armed. “We’re actually really good friends, aren’t we Max?”

Max’s lips split into a smile that made Jack wince. “Yes, _very._ ”

Jack, recognizing that he had something to pick at in order to get the ball rolling, dove right into his questions. “Friends? How does that work? Do you find that particularly difficult to be when you’re on opposing sides of this political war?” He seemed to be delighted in his questions, to the point that Jack didn’t know when to stop. “How long have you been friends? Is there…”

“We all went to the same college with one another,” Max interrupted with a smile that this time did not seem to be so hard to watch. “We all were very dear to one another, once.”

“Maxine that’s not…” Eleanor started only to be interrupted by Jack’s characteristic quirk of his moustache that signalled he was about to speak.

“Oh? We was aware you were, ah, for lack of better words, acquainted intimately, with one another back in college…”

“What kind of fucking rumour is that…?”

“No swearing please Ms Guthrie, we are live.” Jack reminded her, curling his hair around a finger and nodding apologetically towards the middle camera. “As I was saying! We knew you were acquainted, but friends? How does it feel to be going up against someone you were friends with years ago?”

“Years ago? We’re 27!” James protested.

“And how did this come about? Was it fate or was it something else that made you both sign up to become democratic candidates?”

“I can answer that!” John said, jumping up from his seat so that his elbows were perched on his knees and his chin rested in his hands. “Funnily enough Rackham it all started with something that the people of America will no doubt be relieved to hear: with a bet.”

As if John had flicked on a switch there came an audible wave of gasps and groans from the crowd that only made John’s smile grow wider as he looked on at the despairing audience. He let out a low whistle, shaking his head at the red-faced Eleanor and James that stared across at him. “Tough crowd to please, aren’t they? But no matter, we’ve still got to get to the best part.”

Jack called for the audience to quieten down, his face twitching with a euphoria that John could tell he was trying to keep under control in order to keep up his smooth reputation he had built his legacy, as well as his show, on. “The best part? Keep going.”

Before John could open his mouth Flint leant forward to grab at his elbow, hastily pulling him closer to his side. Any other time John would have thought James was going to smother him with some sort of gruff endearment, but the fire in his eyes was not that of lust and something much more dark and murderous.

Jack thrust the microphone forward. “Aha Mr Flint! Don’t whisper! I’m sure we’d all love to hear what you’re about to say.”

“Believe me, you wouldn’t.” James replied.

“We are getting off on a tangent here, don’t you think?” Max intervened, pulling the camera and the audience’s attention off the two men and back onto her and Eleanor, who looked torn between wanting to kill and wanting to faint. “Carrying on from what John said, the best part about these two candidates are that they aren’t even American in the first place…”

James turned his heated look onto Max while Eleanor, ignoring the gasps of the crowd and Jack’s own yell of shock, slapped a hand around the other woman’s mouth.

Which Max promptly ignored, removing Eleanor’s fingers with a graceful bite to her palm. “And apart from that…Would do anything that involves them besting the other. Hence why we are here,” she folded her hands onto her lap then, tilting her head to the side and giving Jack her best smile. “Wasting yours and America’s times.”

The crowd, as expected of Americans, began to yell wildly and without any plausible reason considering everyone in the world seemed to waste America’s time. One crowd member, looking suspiciously like Gossip Girl himself had to hold back another member of the audience, screaming ‘long live Yawnbeard’ from chucking a hook at them all in rage.

To put it simply: it was a bloody nightmare.

“Fucks sake Jack, I’m cutting us off! It’s getting bad back here!” Anne, the camerawoman, yelled from behind the booing audience. She also seemed to be holding people back, however with knives instead of trunks for arms.

“No don’t!” Jack called back, an excited smile spread on his face despite the building hysteria that threatened to tumble out of the show’s room and into the other rooms of the studio building. He moved promptly away from his desk, coming to sit between Eleanor and James with his microphone pressed into their glaring faces. “Now, this is a serious allegation coming from two of your managers and of course them being your managers would make it seem likely to be true…”

“It’s not.” James and Eleanor said in unison, their scowls also matching.

“Ask them if they want a cheeky Nandos and see what happens,” John said with a smile similar to a cat that had just got the cream. “It’s beautiful, truly beautiful.”

Jack pressed his microphone with more obnoxious flare into the two candidate’s faces. “Well? A cheeky…Nandos is it? Would you want one?”

A series of movements passed over Eleanor and James’ faces. Both of them seemed to convulse for a moment, their cheeks twitching with repressed movement and their lips pressed together as if to hold themselves back from speaking. Jack and the audience watched, silent now as the test of truth was finally being placed in front of the two candidates they had only recently been voting for to lead them.

Max pressed a hand over Eleanor’s, smiling softly. “It’s okay Eleanor, let it out.”

John punched James’ shoulder. “Think of that peri-peri salt on your fries. Or should I say, chips?”

Eleanor was the first to break, her answer drawing out confused looks and murmurs of worry to be heard from the audience.

“Cheeky Nandos? Sounds…top.”

“Let’s smash it.” Flint bit out from behind his clenched fist. His cheeks were as red as his beard and his eyes twitched from left and right, probing over the confused, restless Americans who looked to Jack on what to do next.

Jack, as expected, only looked at both candidates and their managers with puzzlement written over his features. He looked to Anne. Anne looked to him and shrugged. There seemed to be no other path to walk on but to continue the interview until the break – a whole 5 minutes. He could do this.

“I, uh. I have to say I have idea what you two just said…”

“It’s a British thing.” Max interrupted with a small pat to Jack’s hand. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“So they are in fact both British? And you do understand what they are saying? You and Mr Silver? Are you, too, British?”

 Max made a face that any individual would make at being accused of being British. “Of course not. I don’t understand either, neither does John. But we love them both all the same.”

Jack blinked and shook his head: love? Now that he could latch onto, not this British nonsense they were all spewing out at him. “You said love Ms Durand. Considering the accusations made against Ms Guthrie over her ‘use’ of the LGBT community in order to boost votes, is that the word you meant to use?”

At that point Eleanor found her tongue enough to grasp the hand that had covered hers, pulling it into her lap. “Of course it was, you bloody idiot. Are you blind? We’re in love! I eat her out every single day I can and I don’t need some freaky glasses fucker to…”

“We’re in love too!” John interrupted, grabbing James to pull him under his arm and press a kiss to his still reddened cheeks. “I don’t eat him out every day, because you know, a guy needs a break but…”

Jack turned to the camera as though he was in the Office (not an actual office but, well, you get it) and said, rather bluntly: “Cut the camera Anne, we’re having the break early. I don’t get paid enough for this bullshit.”

 

* * *

 

“Well?” Eleanor asked in a voice that could only be compared to a small child tip-toeing past the kitchen where their parents awaited to give them the scolding of their life. In this case she stood just behind Flint’s shoulder, tentatively peering over to look at the object on the table.

“Well what?” James snapped, forever the ginger uncle in the absence of Eleanor’s father.

“What does it say? Does it mention…”

“That you threw both yours and Max’s shoes at Jack Rackham’s face?” John practically sung from the opposite end of the house. “Oh yes, they most certainly did.”

Eleanor sorely regretted even allowing that small sack of too much cologne into her house but after the events of last night…None of them were extremely popular with anyone outside the four of them. It felt a lot like college again when they had accidentally ruined graduation by spitting gasoline from their mouths and turning them into fireballs with lighters. Granted Max had to be dared to do it and James was very, if not severely, drunk. But still. It felt like that, only less funny.

James coughing and pointing to the main story on the front of the Daily Tribune pulled her away from that memory. The title read: ‘GOING, GOING GONE WITH ONLY YAWNBEARD AS WINNER?’ The picture used was all four of them with photoshopped Nandos chickens on their heads rushing out of the studio, a gaggle of angry Americans following them.

Eleanor ‘hmphed’ thoughtfully at the picture. “At least it complimented our asses.”

“Don’t you mean our bums?” James said with a meaningful look thrown Eleanor’s way that made her turn her face away, still stubborn enough to hide her grin. “Besides that it looks like the Tribune got a new rumour going about marriage for us both.”

“What?” Eleanor scoffed, moving around the kitchen table to pull the paper over towards her. “Marriage? For us both?”

“That’s what is being speculated. Right after we get kicked out of elections there is a rumour we’ll all have an illicit marriage of some sort with Max and John.” James paused, a heavy one that Eleanor found left her skin prickling at the heaviness of it. “There placing bets on who will get married first.”

Oh, a bet?

“Oh, well I guess if that’s what the public needs to amuse themselves…” Eleanor trailed off with a tap to her chin and the new-found ability on being unable to meet James’ eyes when they turned towards her.  

James sunk his teeth into the coarse flesh of his thumb and too moved his face away from both Eleanor and the Tribune, an idea developing its way to the front of his mind, an idea that he was more than aware was also forming inside Eleanor’s.

He would never admit it but they were too alike, far too alike.

“Did they…” Eleanor started to say, a new tone in her voice that James knew off by heart was entirely fake after witnessing it only in the company of Richard Guthrie, Eleanor’s father. “That is, the paper, did it say who was winning so far?”

A beat. James looked at Eleanor and not to any surprise of his did he find she now looked at him with something in her eyes that was all too similar.

“No,” he finally said. “No it didn’t.”

“Oh, right.”

“Hmm…”

James counted down from ten, eyes still on Eleanor and her eyes still on him. It was possibly the longest ten seconds that he had ever counted down from but he knew her like the back of his hand and if it wasn’t him to make the first move it would most certainly be her.

He got to two before Eleanor kicked herself back from the table, turned and ran, yelling to Max they had something important to discuss. James didn’t hesitate in following her, lunging at her legs and successfully knocking them both to the ground.

If there was one thing he and Eleanor never backed down from it was a challenge.


End file.
